...world of it's own...

I don't want to do equations for Soil Sciences for some reason, so I'm not right now. I don't know when I am going to, but I think I'll get to reading soon for Trees and Forests instead. So far, I have done no school work tonight and this is not condusive to studying. I guess I hit a road bump. Only slight.

Never fear, however!

My belt goes as small as it will go. I need a new belt. I've gone through all six holes. I also need a new pair of jeans. I just bought this pair, a size smaller than what I've been wearing for the last year or so, and they're already fitting me loose. That, and all the other clothes I bought myself before school started. I'm pretty thrilled.

It makes me all sorts of happy, working out. I love the feeling I get when I'm running. I love the lasting endorphins. I can feel that my core is stronger, I can see that I'm losing weight and I feel fantastic about it all. I want to keep running, and get anxious when I don't and excited when I finally make it to the gym.

In other news, signed up for classes next quarter and that's pretty exciting as well. I really enjoy grad school and taking all of these classes that are in direct line of my interests. Soil-plant interactions and weed science! I have a whole hit list of classes I'm working through, and the fact that I get to pick and chose what classes I feel will best help me makes me feel like I'm cheating my way through grad school. I think that qualifying exam at the end of it all will beg me to differ, but so far it's awesome. And being a TA is equally awesome! I realized today that my tendency to be sort of oddball in my mannerisms and descriptions (for example, acting out the growth pattern of Pittosporum tobira vs. Pittosporum tobira 'Wheeler's Dwarf') helps my students learn the plants better ... so I guess it pays off?

Anyway, positive update for my LJ.

Girl one: Yea, I heard hooka is really bad for you, it's worse than cigarette smoke.
Girl two: Yea, doesn't it have a lot of calories too?

I'm entering my third day of grad school tomorrow, where I get to TA for the first time! Little scared, but I think I'll be fine, really. I've prepared and I'm excited, just a little nervous. Classes have been going well, though I still need to get into the swing of things. I know what I need to do, but things are so different from undergrad now in terms of the other demands on my life (don't have Unitrans/work with high responsibilities) and I live with a different crowd. So, I have a bunch of time but what do I do with it? I've got stuff to do in the future, but how do I spread it out and get it done now or what do I start? That, and on campus. If I have a spare hour, where should I go to sit and read or eat lunch? Before I'd head to my office, or find someone but I don't know that many people now.

They aren't big problems, and I'm figuring it out for sure and without worries - it's just a process of getting back into that flow, of sorts.

My wrist was getting a lot better and not hurting, but I think writing with it a lot and using the computer hasn't been helping the healing process. I stretched it weird the other day when grabbing something, and it gets sore after writing for a bit. I can stretch it a lot more, but I'm still really worried that the steriod will wear off and it'll be painful again. Makes me feel like I'm faking it when they say that nothing is 'seriously' wrong with it, also.

I got a steroid injection a week ago and my wrist is doing a lot better. It doesn't hurt and I can use it for normal things, but the stretching isn't so good and it's still pretty week but I'm slowly working on that.

I went to a TA orientation yesterday and I'm starting to get a little nervous about TA-ing a class. It's a huge deal, and all of a sudden I feel like I'm apart of something bigger! It's also making me nervous because it's just me, lab undergrads, and the learning of plants. But I'm excited, and I think that'll make it awesome no matter how poorly I do.

I also went to my department new student orientation. There are a lot of people in Plant Sciences! I hope to meet them on a better level with the core classes since the BBQ following the orientation turned more into a let's-hang-out-with-our-lab-mates kinda thing, and I don't have lab mates but that's alright.

Also, I am updating this entry as non-friends only because my internet stalker is in Poland and I don't care what she thinks. Much of everything else has been friends-only but it's really alright since it's been only me complaining about my wrist, and I'm glad I don't have to do that anymore. Let's just hope it'll stretch normal and I can be back to biking and knitting soon (though I have a dreadful feeling that I should wait to knit until January, like I'm waiting to ride my bike, just to be super sure it's healed. At the very most I'm waiting to see what the Doctor says on October 12.)



BUUUUTTT.... UGHGAA! I'm a grad student now! Hehe!

The other exciting thing I forgot to mention!

I went to Craig's on Saturday after he worked in the morning, like any other Saturday just to hang out. Eric and Pam, his roommate and roommate's girlfriend (as well as my friends), came over dressed in sweats (I thought it was because it was cold). They hang out, I hang out with James, and we talk about seeing a movie in Folsom to get out of Davis. Then Julie shows up, and everyone is like, ok LETS GO. Go where?

Go to Sky High for CHRISTY APPRECIATION DAY. WTF? We go to a wearhouse type place that is full of trampolines. There are little trampolines all connected and protected by tramponline walls, about three to five of these monsters (some for dodgeball, little kids, and big kids - separated). And we bounce! And then go to my favorite restaurant afterwards, Mimi's Cafe, and have dinner. They paid for me, and suprised me about the whole thing. We had to go to my house so I could change into active clothes, but I had no idea where we were going or what we were doing or anything. It was Eric's idea since I help around their house so much, and it meant the world to me.

It really did.

2009 is off to an amazing start, personnally and in the life I live around me.

Things I'm excited about (in a dorky-awful way):
1. Jenny at work is having a baby in early summer. Now I can knit baby clothes, because they're cute and don't necessarily have to fit well. Babies are blobs. And cute.
2. I'm making excellent progress on a very cool hat for the brother.
3. The guy at Parcel Dispatch PDQ who does the fingerprinting is really cute. He's really nice too, and the whole bike ride there I was trying to convince myself to see if he'd go on a date with me. Failed, but at least I'm thinking about it.
4. I guess that's it. I feel like I'm missing a part of it. OH WELL.

Alright. I used to get more introspective about new years when I was in the student mindset, but now the end of December brings the beginning of 2009 and I'm thinking about it.

Resolutions:
1. Lose weight. It's the one thing I'm always unhappy with about myself, and I can actually do something about it. Ideally, I'd love to lose 25-30 lbs by my birthday, but we'll see. Going to go to the ARC two-three times a week, eat better (better portions), and be more healthy.
2. See about getting contacts.
3. Spend less money, save more money. Student loans, here I am!
4. Do more social things, like a book club, the knitting group, and trying out different circles of people. Go back to gardening with people, weekends at Central Park.
5. Continuing to spend time on me by relaxing, meditating, and writing in my journal.
6. Make my life happy. This is a personal thing that I know how to do. Just have to do it.


Resolutions are iffy. I guess the only thing I actually care about is losing weight. Everything else is a continual project, and doesn't end or begin with the new year. So I guess I only really resolve to lose weight, and continue working on myself. I need to be happier with myself and my life, and I can only do that by being alright with who I am and making the most out of what I've got.

This last year was pretty full, looking back.
I graduated, with honors, and a chancellor's award of merit. In four years.
I finished with Unitrans. A year as the HRM, a few as a driver. Geoff said I was the best HRM he's ever worked with, and I feel I did a pretty damn good job.
I got two part time jobs, and started making money.
I moved into my own room.
I took the GRE and applied to Grad School.
I took extra classes, paid for by myself, to help the Grad school effort.
I went to a wedding, I joined a knitting group, and I kept my life going.

I'm an adult, graduated, and everything now. (My mom even bought me a real leather purse - how grown up like!)

Yeesh. I've got to re-work myself.

My mental capacities are low right now because I've been with my parents for a while, sleeping on the couch, drinking a lot of diet coke and ready to get places. So I'm ancy. But that's my past and present.

So I have spent all day Christmas and most of the day before knitting my brother a hat. I have found, after these many, many hours and a sore wrist that the hat is too small. It's all color work (which is why it has been taking so long) and I calculated my gauge wrong. He says he still likes it and doesn't mind the weird stichery that happens when it stretches, but I am not happy and the hat isn't supposed to be the stretching type. I bought new needles today, ones that will actually work (a. they're bigger b. they're longer) but I am disappointed that I have spent all of this time not even finishing a hat that is too small, and the hope was to get it done before I went back to Davis.
My brother made a few digs about it, which upset me. I have been busy with life, and only wished to make this for him on Thanksgiving when I ordered the kit. It came, I finished my grad school application, taking classes, and my mom's scarf to then start his. I've been busy with life. And I'm going to continue to be so.

New years is coming soon, and I'm going to make some goals and meet them. I want to get contacts. I want to lose 25-30 pounds (the hope is before my birthday - both, sort of a re-invention of myself). I want to stop spending money as much so that I can not be in debt (not too much, but the classes I took put me out) and so that I can afford the monthly rent and student loan payments. And then, some personal goals.

We'll see. I'm still super upset about that hat. Urgh! It looks so cool ... it's just too small.

It seems like I have all my ideas straight, and then I talk to people and I get all mixed up about Grad school. I've talked to lots of people and gone all over the place, but I'll only give you the abriged and final version.

First, I can and will do grad school. I am smart enough and work hard enough, it'll be a challenge but whatever it takes it will be worth it to do and go where I want to. I just have to motivate myself to fill out the application.

Second, I am only applying to UC Davis. I like Davis, it's one of the best programs, I know the people and the plants and I don't have to go far from my family and friends and scare myself in a whole new world.

Third, the plan: if I don't get into Davis, I keep at Hedgerow and Germplasm. I apply to internships for the summer at state parks, and hopefully stay on another year while I apply for Grad schools again (this time, not just Davis).

It'll work out. I'll make it work, and I'll go places. I always do.

I'm hoping to turn in my application the end of next week. Week after if I must.
I'm just procrastinating on it a lot because I get excited, ready to work on it... then I fill it out a little bit more and I have this overwhelming feeling that I can't do it. I'm not that smart (I just work hard), I'm not of the right interests for UC Davis, no professor will want me because I don't have a plant backround, etc.
I don't know. It's daunting. Can I do it? It's a lot of work. I don't even know if a Masters will help me do what I want to do. I think it should, and I hope it does. I can't do what I want to now because I have nothing plant related behind me.

GAH.

I flew home today. It was super fast and super easy. I flew into Burbank, then walked down the street to take a train (very crowded...) to Oxnard. I liked not having to stress about driving, and having all this free time to read and knit. I started a new scarf for me with this expensive and fancy yarn, and I'm pretty excited because it's a very nice yarn, easy and fun pattern, and I like it a lot so far.

I don't have a place here. My old room is my mom's craft room, and there isn't even enough room for an air mattress. When I want some away time, I don't have a place to go or put my things. I sleep on the couch... It just feels odd - I liked staying up late watching trashy television by my lonesome.

Lonesome. Sometimes the holiday and the beginning holiday season can make you feel lonely, too. You just want someone to share it with. But I really have been quite over searching for a guy. I changed my status on facebook away from single because I don't care if I'm single or not, I'm enjoying my life for what it is and living for me and my friends. In a weird way, I've thrown out the idea of a boyfriend and guys liking me. If it happens, well I'll be surprised and that will make it more exciting. But for now, I don't want to worry about it. It only brings me down.

Best package ever. Got really excited by a down vest to keep me warm (and my arms free!) at work. And got the knit picks catalogue. I keep reading it over and over even though I don't have the money to buy anything. Just looking at all the pretty yarn and patterns...

pretty yarn and patterns...

First, I made a very delicious soup tonight, Chicken Noodle. I don't know how it came out so good - I'm always suprised when my food tastes really, really good.
There is something special about Chicken Noodle soup though, it just goes straight to your soul and makes you happy.

Now to the nerd part:
I play this online RPG type game called NationStates. It's nothing special. All you do is control your country. You decide how you want to rule, and you make decisions on two issues a day that can change your economy, population, and the status of your country in terms of type (like, dictatorship, democracy, or psycho librals etc.) You can make alliances and trade with others in your world, start wars, and generally experiment with how to make decisions as a government while having fun. I tend to be ultra libral, and really like the environment, education and health. But not so much supporting slow people. It's just something fun to do.

My nation is Duchesnea Indica, which is the scientific name for the plant Indian Mock Strawberry. This name was chosen because my country is a mock government, a game I play. Mock strawberries propogate through stolons, which is the name of my currency. And the newspaper is the Daily Strawberry, a homage to the common name. Maybe I'll change it to the Mock Strawberry. And my capital city? Rosaceae, the family of Duchesnea indica.

I started an Alliance called the Alliance of Deep Thought. I'm in world 42. So I want an Alliance that will strive to find the quesiton to the answer of Life, the Universe, and Everything. And fight Vogons, should they come.

Haha, NERDY. I love it.

I tried making this http://bikehacks.com/sew-your-own-cycling-cap/
for the brother. But it didn't work out. I don't have a sewing machine, so I tried to hand sew it thinking that if I was careful with the lines it'd be fine. I wasn't that careful, apparently, or I transfered the pattern over wrong or something. I'm thinking about redoing it on a machine, or buying a pattern from a storm that has the basics for the hat. Not sure. But I was sad. It took me four hours to make something that's not that great after all. I hate that.

I am PISSED that I was running this evening, finally getting to the point where I can run and enjoy it - not being too out of breath and simply really being happy, thinking to myself that usually when I get to this point where I feel like I can keep running for hours and be happy, that something happens that stops it - like Scotland last year, and Christmas the year before that, and so on when BAM I fucking step on a rock, roll my ankle, hear a snap and fall to the ground.

That shit hurts.

And I hate being hurt because I hate to been seen as weak. You have no idea the things I do to protect my tougher image. What else should you expect when I work with guys, all the time? And I have a hypocondriatic mother? I don't deal with this shit. I don't get sick, or I ignore it all until it goes away and I don't take care of myself granted, but I don't do this.

And I was beyond pissed that I didn't get to finish my run. I was going to go for two miles, and I had just hit the one mile mark. I was really upset, it was a really good run and I was really happy.

I'm kind of doing a study, of myself in a sense. I don't know. I spent the summer and such figuring out me and how to handle life, and now I'm figuring out how to make me better and continuously studying myself and those around me.

I'm trying to change the way I eat. I want to eat more sustainably, so that I buy what I need for the week. This way I can get vegetables and fruit without them going bad, I'll waste less, and I'll spend money at the grocery store smarter. I also want to eat less meat. I'm reading Omnivore's Dilemna and it's a pretty convincing argument, if even only for health reasons, to be vegetarian. I don't want to be a vegetarian, however - I love a good burger now and then, and I wouldn't want to not have Thanksgiving. But I don't need to eat meat as much as I do. I want to eat meat on rare occasions, like if I go out or make a meal on the weekend. And when I make the meal, I want to buy the meat from the Co-op because it'll be better meat. It's just that the meant in our industry is so unhealthily made and bad for you, I can't seem to shake the connection between America's failing health and the way we eat. How many things can you spot in your kitchen that have high fructose corn syrup or corn/soybean/sunflower oil? We're embarking on a style of eating that is all processed, and that doesn't seem right. I'm not saying I won't eat processed foods because I love me some cheez-its and I can't bake my own bread, but I want to be healthier in what I eat and how I eat it. And I want to see if it makes a difference in my lifestyle.

We shall see. I'm always learning something, it seems. And I don't think this'll be a bad way to try things out. All I have to do is finish the salami I bought for my sandwiches this week.

Look at all of this other stuff on the ballots in November. These are the sorts of things we should REALLY be talking about. Holy shit, do these things matter or what? It's like someone took a list of some of my biggest concerns and wrote them on the next ballot for my voting pleasure. Well, I mean, some big ones. Like animal rights, high speed rail, gay rights, and abortion.

Here's the list, thanks to DAVID H.

# Proposition 1: High Speed Rail Initiative: Authorizes California to issue $9.95 Billion in bonds (which have to be paid back with interest) to build a high speed choo choo going from San Francisco Los Angeles.
# Proposition 2: Standards for Confining Farm Animals: Requires farmers of certain animals (such as calves for veal, egg-laying chickens, and pregnant pigs) to put those animals in pens that allow them to fully lie down, stand up, fully extend their limbs, and turn around freely.
# Proposition 3: Children's Hospitals Proliferation: Allows the California governement to issue $980 million to construct, expand, remodel, renovate, furnish, and equip children's hospitals around the state. It further requires that, "80 percent of bond proceeds go to hospitals that focus on children with illnesses such as leukemia, cancer, heart defects, diabetes, sickle cell anemia and cystic fibrosis."
# Proposition 4: Waiting Period and Parental Notification Before Termination of Minor's Pregnancy: They're trying to get this passed again (the 2nd or 3rd time). This time, they're looking to change the California State constitution. Basically, voting Yes forces physicians to notify the parents of anyone under the age of 18 seeking an abortion and wait 48 hours to perform it. Voting No rejects this law and shows your acknowledgement that kids make mistakes, and allowing them to correct said mistakes and grow from them is a better course of action than subjecting youngsters to the horrific punishment of furious and zealous parents who will forever hold it over their children. (Sorry for the bias on this one, it won't happen again). Some speculate that allowing this law to pass will lead to an increase in dangerous and home-brewed "coat-hangar" abortions.
# Proposition 5: Nonviolent Drug Offense Punishment: Seeks to change how people involved in such crimes are punished. Throws $460 million at further developing treatment programs, reducing penalties for nonviolent drug crimes, and increasing penalties for violent ones. Voting Yes supports this end, voting No keeps the laws and systems as they are now.
# Proposition 6: Law Enforcement Funding & Gang Fighting: Establishes that at least $965 million annually to police, sheriffs, district attorneys, adult probation, jails and juvenile probation facilities. This figure will increase, "in following years." In addition to increased funding for law enforcement this law makes numerous changes to criminal law. It appears that many of these changes are aimed at gang-related crimes. This law would define several new crimes, mandate additional penalties, create new life sentences, and increase penalties for violating gang-related injunctions.
# Proposition 7: Renewable Energy Generation: Mandates that all utilities in California to generate 20% of their power from renewable energy by 2010, 40% by 2020, and 50% by 2025. It also promises to fast-track approval for renewable energy plants and requires utilities to sign longer contracts (at least 20 years) to procure renewable energy.
# Proposition 8: Same-Sex Marriage Ban: So, if you're saying to yourself, "I thought California already legalized gay marriage?" You're absolutely right. This proposition is actually trying to make it illegal again. So, voting Yes actually supports the ban and makes marriage only applicable to man-woman relationships again. Voting No defeats this proposition and preserves the right of same-sex couples to wed. Make sure you acknowledge the actual meaning of voting Yes or No.
# Proposition 9: Victim's Rights: Affords victims of crimes more rights and privileges in regards to the bail, pleas, sentencing, and parole of whoever victimized them. It will also take into account victims' safety when determining bail or parole.
# Proposition 10: Alternative Fuel Vehicles and Renewable Energy: Provides $3.425 Billion to assist Californians buy high fuel economy and alternative fuel vehicles, fund research into alternative fuel technology, and grants to cities for renewable energy projects. In addition, $1.25 Billion for research, development, and production of renewable energy technology (specifically solar energy). This money is to come from bonds.
# Proposition 11: Redistricting: Creates a panel of 5 Democrats, 5 Republicans, and 4 of neither party to study and redefine the district boundaries throughout California.
# Proposition 12: Veteran's Bond: Seeks to issue $900 million in bonds to provide loans to veterans throughout California so they can buy farms and homes.

Got it back. Well, a little bit of a neighbors. Makes me happy - updated podcasts!

(officially a nerd)



Otherwise, Aarogant Bastard is not a good beer. A little review from me.

I think Craig is correct in saying I boarder on the line of having an addiction to NPR and podcasts. Being the third week without internet, I have grown tired of listening to my iPod play the same music day after day in some hope that the music will magically be replaced by new "This American Life" or "Democracy Now" podcasts.

It dawned on me, little too late, that the radio plays these same radio shows that I download to my iPod everyday, with internet, for free, and that by simply tuning into 90.9 my NPR cravings can be soothed by the lovely Capital Public Radio. Commercial free, most of the shows I like, and right there on the radio - I like it.

... I feel I have an addiction because when I started listening to the radio, I felt happier for some reason. It could be an addiction, or that Nick Brunner has an attractively nice radio voice. I don't know. I've just had my fix, so I'm a little more in tune with the world now and amidst the greatest financial fiasco since the Great Depression, I'm glad to know what's going on.

Remember those Innocent smoothies we loved so dearly?

Well, since 2003 they've been doing this thing called The Big Knit where they have people from all over knit little hats that they sell on the top of their bottles. For every hat sold, they donate the money to an organization that helps take care of older people in the winter because there is a high incident of weather related deaths among the elderly in Britain.

I kid you not. Little hats on smoothie bottles!

I am thinking of making such, but I have to by Oct 17 and I should study for the GRE so we shall see. A little hat for a smoothie bottle, how crazy, right?

http://www.innocentdrinks.co.uk/thebigknit/?Page=thebigknit